January 27, 2008 - LIFE LESSONS 101: How To Forgive

INTRODUCTORY REMARKS

• Recently a couple called and asked if I could help them with some marriage counseling
• Since they were active members of another church- I wondered why they wanted to talk to me
• So I asked them: What made you call me? Why didn't you ask your pastor to help?
• Couple: We love Chris- but he's only been married about a year and a half
• Couple: We decided we needed to talk to someone who's got a little more experience with the subject
• By the end of this morning's message you may be thinking the same thing
• Today we're talking about how to practice forgiveness
• And I'll be honest with you- I don't have a lot of experience with the subject
• What I mean is that some of you may:
• Carry deep scars of past trauma or pain
• Struggle with the paralyzing consequences of growing up in a dysfunctional family
• Have someone in your life who deliberately tried to hurt or harm you
• Have had a friend or loved one who was murdered or killed by a drunken driver
• The list could go on-and-on-and-on
• If you fall into any of these categories you may be thinking: Steve- you've never had to deal with any of the things I'VE dealt with
• And you'd be right.
• I don't have any experience with these kinds of things
• By in large my life has been pain-free
• Which is why I'm limiting myself to some God-given, Biblically-based, time-tested principles
• They work!
• And they can change your life
• So with all this in mind let's get started. If you want to practice forgiveness the first thing you need to do is to:

CONSIDER THE SIN FACTOR

• Whenever I preach about forgiveness I always assume that someone in the congregation will be thinking:
• But you don't know how badly I've been hurt
• You have no IDEA what so-and-so did to me
• You're right!
• I don't know
• What I do know is that people can do horrible- unspeakable- inexcusable things to other people
• But that's not the point
• When someone has hurt you it's more important to understand:
• WHY it happened
• Than to dwell on WHAT happened
• See here's the thing:
• As long as you're focusing on the WHAT and not the WHY
• God will never be able to heal the anger and pain that's destroying your life
• So why did these terrible things happen?
• In a word- SIN
• Somewhere someone chose to sin by rejecting God and the precepts of His Word
• Some of you may remember hearing me talk about my friend Shannon
• Shannon had a host of emotional and psychiatric illnesses that eventually lead her to commit suicide
• Most of Shannon's problems traced to the fact that -beginning at six- she was sexually abused by the youth minister in her church
• Had Shannon done anything wrong?
• No- she was a six year old little girl who wanted to go to church
• Her problem was that her abuser had chosen to sin against the principles and precepts of God's Word!
• The Bible describes this process in Romans 1:20-32
• Now why is it important to understand that sin is the cause of the pain you've experienced?
• Because it makes you realize that the person who hurt you is really no different than you are
• You're a sinner who needs God grace in YOUR life
• And they're a sinner who needs God's grace in THEIR life
• Once you understand that truth your whole attitude will begin to change
• Their sin hurt me- my sin hurt God
• If God can forgive me of my sin against Him- maybe I can forgive them of their sin against ME
• Illustration: Miracle On The River Kwai
• During WW II a squadron of Scottish soldiers were captured by the Japanese and forced to work on a railroad being built through the jungle
• The conditions were horrific- and the men were soon reduced to an animal-like existence
• But then one day something happened that changed everything
• A shovel was missing- and the Japanese officer was enraged
• He demanded that the missing shovel be produced- or else
• When nobody in the squadron moved, the officer pulled out his gun and threatened to kill them all on the spot
• Finally one man stepped forward
• The officer put away his gun, picked up a shovel and proceeded to beat the man to death
• When it was over, the survivors picked up the bloody corpse and carried it with them to a second tool check
• This time, no shovel was missing. There had been a miscount at the first check point
• The word spread like wildfire through the whole camp
• An innocent man had been willing to die to save the others!
• The incident had a profound effect
• The men began to treat each other like brothers
• When the victorious Allies finally liberated the camp- the survivors lined up in front of their captors
• Instead of attacking them they insisted: No more hatred. No more killing. Now what we need is forgiveness (Ernest Gordon- Miracle on the River Kwai)
• Jesus had to die on the Cross so that your sin could be forgiven
• And He asks you- in turn- to practice forgiveness
• Which is why the first thing you need to do in practicing forgiveness is to...
• Consider the sin factor
• Then you must-

MAKE THE WORSHIP CONNECTION

• Read Romans 12:1-2
• Notice what it says here offer your bodies as living sacrifices
• Biblically a sacrifice is something a person offers to God as an expression of their love, devotion, worship and praise
• BUT- God doesn't accept second rate sacrifices. An acceptable sacrifice has to...
• Be something of value
• Something that costs you something
• So what's this got to do with forgiveness? It's like this...
• The harder it is for you to offer forgiveness to another person
• The more God values your gift as a sacrifice of worship and praise
• Read Luke 7:36-47
• Here was a person who wanted to offer God a living sacrifice
• She KNEW she'd been loved, accepted and forgiven by God
• And she was willing to do ANYTHING to show Him her thanksgiving and praise
• Look- if you're harboring a bitter, unforgiving spirit...
• God is looking for your sacrifice of praise
• He expects you to practice forgiveness as an act of worship and praise
• So- if you want to practice forgiveness you need to...
• Consider the sin factor
• Make the worship connection
• Which brings us to step 3:

SEEK A WILLING HEART

• Please read Matthew 6:9-13
• I want you to notice what Jesus says in verse 12: Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
• Jesus is teaching us to pray for a heart that is WILLING to forgive others for the sins and wrongs they've committed against us
• Now to be perfectly honest:
• Unless you're willing to pray this prayer- and really mean it
• You will NEVER have the ability to practice the kind of forgiveness God requires!
• Illustration: The Bus Driver
• A few years ago a student at the Moody Bible Institute had gotten a night job driving a bus on the Southside of Chicago
• One night a group of teenage gang members got on board- and refused to pay the fare
• When the driver spotted a police officer- he stopped the bus and reported what had happened
• The officer made them pay the fare- but after he left the gang members robbed the driver and beat him severely
• The assailants were later arrested, tried and convicted for their crime
• When the judge was preparing to pass sentence the student-driver did a remarkable thing
• First he uttered a prayer: Father- these kids did a terrible thing to me- and I hate them for it. But Lord, I also know these kids are lost- and I want to love them in Your Name. Please give me that strength I need to forgive them
• Then he stood up and said: Your Honor- I am deeply concerned about these young men. They hurt me- but I want to show them Christian love. I'd like to serve the sentences in their place
• The judge expressed admiration for the student's convictions- but the request was denied
• As the teens were being lead away one of them turned to the student and asked: Why'd you do it man? Are you crazy or something?
• No- I'm not crazy- I did it because I've forgiven you
• The rest of the story is just as incredible
• The student visited those young men week-by-week in their jail cell
• He began a Bible study group- and wound up leading five of them to Christ
• Folks- to date no forgiveness gene has been located on human DNA
• That's why you have to PRAY that God will place a willingness to forgive in your heart
• Because without that gift you will NEVER be able to experience the joy of practicing Christian forgiveness
• Which brings us to the fourth step in the forgiveness process

COMMIT TO THE JESUS WAY

• Please read Matthew 18:15-17
• What we've got here is Jesus' action plan for practicing forgiveness. It consists of four steps:
• First- go and lovingly confront them with what they've done: What you did hurt me. But I want us to be reconciled to one another. That's why I'm here today
• If that doesn't work- take a Christian friend to talk with the person
• If that isn't successful- take the conflict to the church
• And if that doesn't work (And remember- you can't do anything about the other person's reaction)- you must:
• Treat the person the way you would treat a lost person
• Which means...
• You PRAY for them!
• You ask God to change their heart through the transforming power of the Lord Jesus Christ!
• And if you think this sounds hard-
• It's only because it is
• It's so hard that in 28 years of ministry I've NEVER seen anyone follow each of these steps to its logical conclusion
• Instead people try to cut corners- skip steps- or give up all together
• And then they wonder why-
• They're so unhappy
• They remain imprisoned by bitterness and anger and resentment
• It's because they haven't been willing to fully commit to the Jesus way!
• So- let's review the steps we've talked about so far. In practicing forgiveness you need to understand that...
• Consider the sin factor
• Make the worship connection
• Seek a willing heart
• Commit to the Jesus way
• And finally you need to...

LIVE WITH THE MEMORY

• Have you ever heard someone say that a Christian is supposed to forgive and forget
• I once heard a preacher say: If I can't forget then I haven't been genuinely touched with Calvary love
• I don't know where people got that idea- but it's not in the Bible!
• Granted- when God forgives your sin He remembers them no more
• But that's God- He has the power to do this
• But you don't
• God created you with the gift of memory
• And memory means there are some things you can NEVER forget
• Illustration: Sisters Injured In London Bombing
• Katie & Emily Benton are lucky to be alive. They are sisters from Tenn. who were injured in the London subway bombings
• Among other injuries, the Benton girls had their left eardrums blown out by the blast
• Do you think they'll EVER be able to forget what happened to them?
• Every time they have trouble hearing what someone is saying- they'll remember what the terrorists did to them on July 7, 2005
• You know...
• It'd be EASY to practice forgiveness if you could snap your fingers and erase it from your memory
• But this is real life- it's not a movie fairy tale
• God expects you to forgive IN SPITE of the memory
• And that's hard- maybe harder than anything you've ever done
• But don't worry-
• When God asks you to do something- particularly something that's hard
• He'll always give you the grace and strength you need to do it
• And that's a double blessing
• When you learn to depend on God's grace
• Your relationship with Him will grow stronger
• Please read Galatians 5:19-25
• Did you notice the difference between self-control and Spirit control?
• Sinful, self-control results in a hornet's nest of brokenness and pain
• But Spirit control always results in a life worth living
• It's the difference between being:
• Consumed with hate or filled with love
• Destroyed by pain or healed by hope
• Having an unforgiving spirit or a heart OVERFLOWING with the spirit of forgiveness

CONCLUSION

• As we wrap this up let me share something Jesus said in Matthew 6:12-15
• I want you to understand the point Jesus is making here:
• If you fail.../ refuse...
• To forgive others of their sins against you
• To actively work to restore broken relationships in your life
• It will affect your relationship with God
• Read the way The Message Bible translates 1 John 4:20-21
• Let's say I'm angry with...Richard Kroenke
• I will want to repair that relationship with Richard because I like him- he's my friend and brother in Christ
• But above all- I MUST repair that relationship with Richard because I don't want anything damaging my relationship with God
• I want you to bow your head and close your eyes
• Has your relationship with God been damaged because you've been unable- or unwilling- to forgive someone who has hurt you?
• Are you tired of living with the bitterness and rage?
• Are you ready for your burden to be lightened- and your spirit lifted- by the touch of the Heavenly Father?
• The place to begin is by letting God know you're ready to practice forgiveness. Let us pray

January 20, 2008 - Life Lessons 101: Coping With Discouragement

Scripture Meditation: Psalm 22

SERIES INTRODUCTION

This morning marks the beginning of a new sermon series called 'Life Lessons 101'

• During these messages we're going to focus on some 'real-life' issues that all Christians deal with
• Things like:
• Practicing forgiveness
• Struggling with temptation
• Creating a strong marriage
• Repairing a damaged marriage
• And discovering God's Will for your life

I believe this series will help you grow in your relationship with the Lord

• Each message is the result of a lot of prayer, meditation and Bible study
• And I hope you'll be here for each one- and give me some feedback along the way

Having said that- I'll confess that we're not going to be reinventing the wheel during these sermons

• Remember-
• Your pastor is not named Rick Warren or Chuck Swindol or Max Lucado or Charles Stanley
• For better or worse you've got Steve Bass- and I'm not that smart
• So what we're going to do each Sunday is to share some simple, time-tested Biblical principles
• They may not WOW you will eloquence and insight
• But they work!

With all that in mind- let's get started

TRANSITION

• If you've studied your bulletin you know that this morning's sermon is entitled: Coping With Discouragement
• Not depression mind you
• Depression is a biologically based illness
• And it requires medical attention
• I know because I've been there
• I'm still there for that matter
• So we're not talking about depression- we're talking about coping with discouragement
• The feeling that your life has spiraled out of control
• The notion that your life isn't turning out quite the way you thought it would
• The belief that you are a hopeless- and helpless- cause
• How many of you have ever had feelings like that? Raise your hand
• I think you get the point
• Feelings of discouragement are a natural part of the human experience
• If you don't believe it- consider David. The Bible calls him the 'man after God's own heart'
• His biography is filled with one success story after another
• And yet David was a man who wrestled with intense feelings of discouragement.
• Please read Psalm 22:1-8
• Good grief! Somebody get this poor man some Prozac!
• You talk about the pits of despair!
• Discouragement has sucked the last ounce of joy out of David's life
• But- let's read on: Psalm 22:19-24
• Quite a change- isn't it?
• From the depths of discouragement
• David has emerged with renewed hope in the power and promises of God
• This morning- in the time we have remaining- let's see how it happened

BREAK THE BARRIER OF SILENCE

• You know- feelings of discouragement almost inevitably create some overpowering emotions:
• Frustration
• Disappointment
• Helplessness
• Hopelessness
• And a feeling of worthlessness
• What you've got here are the ticking time bombs of human emotion
• When you deal these kinds of emotions you will eventually experience feelings of anger- rage- resentment- and hostility
• Typically- this anger will be expressed in one of four ways:
• You may get angry with a particular person
• You may become angry over a specific situation
• You can get very angry with yourself
• But for Christians this anger will most often be expressed towards God
• Which may sound strange- but it has to do with what we believe about God
• When you've been taught that God loves you- that He cares about you- that He has a perfect plan and purpose for your life
• But you're feeling frustrated, disappointed, helpless, hopeless and worthless
1 You can't help but think: Where is God when I need Him? Why hasn't He done something to help me?
• And trust me- when you feel like that- you get REALLY angry!
• Now at this point you might be thinking: But I don't believe I can get angry with God. And even if I did- I'd never let God KNOW I was angry with Him. That would be a sin! That could be dangerous!
• Really? You think so?
• Then how do you explain Elijah?
• Elijah is an interesting case study
• Shortly after his dramatic showdown with the prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18- a showdown which was the spiritual high point of Elijah's life
• Things started to come unraveled
• Queen Jezebel was so angry Elijah had slaughtered the prophets of Baal
• She vowed to have him killed
• The result was that Elijah had to flee for his life. Finally- after so many days on the run
• Elijah had had all he could take
• ...And he let God have it!

1 Kings 19:10

• You don't think Elijah was angry?
• (Elijah comments)
• This is the thanks I get for standing up for You?
• Ahab's sent his army after me. I'm the only one left who even tries to serve You- and I'm about to be killed!
• Remember- this was God's prophet
• A man who had boldly and courageously stood in the gap for the Lord
• And now he is ticked off at God
• Folks- it is NOT a sin to express anger towards God
• For one thing-
• He's not a little kid
• He's big enough- and strong enough- to take it
• And then there's the fact that:
• He already KNOWS what you're feeling anyway
• So why not be honest and tell Him about it?
• Satan is the one who tells you to keep your mouth shut
• God will get you if you let Him know you're angry
• The only words that should be coming out of your mouth are words of praise!
• Folks- it is a little-known Biblical fact that God:
• Not only lets you express the anger you feel when you're discouraged
• He actively encourages it!
• Remember- David was NOT expressing words of praise in Psalm 22:1-2
• What David has done is to break the barrier of silence
• He is honestly and openly expressing his feelings of discouragement and- yes- anger TO God
• Because he knows it's the only path to peace WITH God
• And here's the thing: When you realize that you can share your honest feelings with God- your prayer life with be changed for the better
• Praying will no longer feel artificial and forced: Most Gracious Heavenly Father- we humbly and reverently beseech Thee in the courts of Thy mercy...
• Praying will become as natural and relaxed as breathing
• You'll realize you can share anything with God
• Because that's what God wants you to do!
• So if you're feeling discouraged this morning...
• The first thing you need to do is to break the barrier of silence
• The second thing you need to do is...

PRESENT THE FRAGMENTS OF YOUR FAITH TO GOD

• Now we've already established that:
• The first symptom of discouragement is anger
• Well- the second symptom of discouragement is doubt
• That nagging voice in the back of your head
• That makes you wonder if everything you've been taught about God is really true
• If you look in the dictionary you'll find doubt defined this way:
• To be uncertain or unsure about
• To tend to distrust- to disbelieve
• A lack of certainty or conviction (Webster's II New Riverside Dictionary)
• Now compare that definition of doubt with this definition of faith
• Belief in the truth, value or trustworthiness of someone or something
• Loyalty or allegiance
• Religious conviction- belief and trust in God
• If you take these definitions at face value it would appear that faith and doubt are opposite states of being
• In other words: If you doubt you obviously don't have faith
• And if you have faith- it is impossible to experience doubt
• Which is why doubt is so disturbing to so many Christians
• The Bible says I'm saved by faith through grace
• Well if discouragement is making me experience doubt- how can I be sure of my salvation?
• Folks- anytime Satan makes you question your salvation you need to take the Romans 10:9 test
• ...If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
• Questions:
• Have you confessed your belief that Jesus is the Christ- God's one and only Son?
• Do you believe in your heart that He died on the Cross for your sins, and rose again on the third day?
• If you answered 'Yes' to each of these questions
• YOU ARE SAVED!
• Not because of what I say- but because of what the infallible, inerrant Word of God says!
• So getting back to the question of faith and doubt- let me make this comment:
• Doubt is not the opposite of faith
• In fact-
• The Bible teaches that doubt is a natural by-product of faith!
• The truth is you can't have doubt unless you have a fundamental foundation of faith in your life!
• Illustration: 'Doubting' Greek Myths
• For instance- I don't 'doubt' the gods and goddesses of Greek mythology
• I KNOW they are man-made stories- nothing more than figments of the human imagination
• The point I'm trying to make is the reason discouragement inevitably leads to doubt is because you're genuinely trying to live by faith!
• Faith says: I believe Jehovah God exists. The Bible tells me He is all powerful and all loving- and I believe it. I KNOW He cares about me
• Doubt is the voice that won't shut up: But if God exists- if He's all-powerful and all-loving- if He really cares for me- why am I so miserable?
• This was David's dilemma. Read what he says in verses 7 & 8
• David has put into the mouths of his taunting enemies the feelings he's got
• I've trusted You God. My delight is in You! So why don't You help me- why won't You deliver me from this misery?
• What we see happening is an important part of the process of coping with discouragement
• There comes a point where you've got to pick up the shattered pieces of your faith
• And lovingly place it in the hands of God
• Remember Elijah?
• His overwhelming sense of discouragement and despair had left him feeling angry and rejected
• So here's what he did:
• He took what was left of his faith
• And turned it over to God- and look what happened next

1 Kings 19:11-13

• He heard a still, small voice that was powerful enough to drown out the voice of doubt
• A voice that said:
• Elijah- I'm still here. I'm still in control.
• I still love you- and I will continue to take care of you!
• For Elijah it was the healing moment that erased doubt and replaced it with a bold and energized faith in the Living Lord!
• So-
• The first thing you need to do when you're discouraged is to break the barrier of silence
• The next you need to do is present the fragments of your faith to God
• And finally you need to...

STOP ASKING 'WHY?'- AND START ASKING 'WHO?'

• About 14-15 years ago I was involved in a bad wreck
• My car was totaled- I suffered a mild concussion- I wound-up having to spend the night in the hospital
• In the weeks and months following the wreck I found myself playing a game of 'What if?'
• What if I hadn't pulled off the interstate to get a breakfast biscuit?
• What if I hadn't been blinded by the sun?
• What if I wasn't wearing a seat belt?
• What if the truck had hit my car a fraction of a second earlier?
• What if the power mirror that flew through the car had hit me in the head?
• What if? What if? What if? It was driving me crazy!
• When you're struggling with discouragement it's easy to play a similar game called 'Why?'
• Why did this happen?
• Why is my life coming apart at the seams?
• Why have my dreams died?
• Why did all my friends let me down?
• Why did God let this happen?
• Why? Why? Why?
• Folks- if you keep playing the 'Why?' game it will drive you crazy
• There's a reason why David sounds like a man on the brink of a nervous breakdown in the first part of Psalm 22
• He's playing the 'Why' game

Psalm 22:12-18

• For David the turnaround comes in the 19th verse.
• What happened? Why does David's mood turn from despair to joy beginning with the 19th verse?
• Because he's stopped asking 'Why?'- and started asking 'Who?'
• The point is:
• When you stop focusing on the reasons for your discouragement
• And start focusing on the One who can take away your discouragement- everything changes!
• Read what the Bible says in Psalm 118:6-7
• Folks let me tell you something:
• It doesn't matter what has you discouraged- GOD is more than capable of dealing with it
• I mean let's take a reality check:
• The load you're carrying around may be bigger than you are-
• But it's not bigger than God is!
• I want you to read 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
• Paul has been writing about an incredible vision he's had- an experience that took him into the very presence of God
• Now let's see what he says:
• We don't know what Paul's thorn in (th
• flesh was- but it nearly drove him crazy
• Eventually the weight of this burden was so great that Paul BEGGED God to remove it from his life
• But in each case God's answer was the same: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
• The principle here is...
• Not that God will never put more on you than you can handle
• That is a total distortion of Biblical truth
• Things can happen in your life that WILL be too much for you to handle
• That God can be trusted to give you enough strength- moment-by-moment- to face whatever challenges you encounter in life
• Illustration: Clock Worried About The New Year
• It was New Year's Eve- and a clock thinking about the new year. In the next year I've got to tick...
• 2 times a second
• 120 times a minute
• 7200 times an hour
• 172,800 times a day
• 1,209,600 times a week
• 63 MILLION times in the coming year!
• The more he thought about it- the more overwhelmed he got. Finally, he called the Clock Doctor
• C: Doc- I don't know how I'll ever make it. I've got to tick 63 MILLON times in the new year
• CD: Well, how many ticks can you tick at a time?
• The C thought about for a moment and said: Only one
• CD: Well, if you'll just tick one tick at a time- and not worry about the next one- you'll be just fine
• Folks- here's the thing: You can only live one day at a time
• So if you'll:
• Be honest with God
• Let Him repair the shattered pieces of your faith
• And stay focused on His love and compassion and care
• Before long you'll begin to discover the abundant life the Lord has promised in His Word
• It's that simple

CLOSING

• I want you to do something with me this morning. I want you to bow your head and pray
• Did you come here today filled with an overwhelming sense of discouragement and despair?
• Is it making you angry and frustrated?
• Is it destroying your faith-walk with the Lord?
• Do you fill like the world has collapsed around you?
• Then do what the Bible says to do: Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
• Are you ready to make that leap of faith this morning? Let us pray