INTRODUCTORY REMARKS
- Recently a couple called and asked if I could help them with some marriage counseling
- Since they were active members of another church- I wondered why they wanted to talk to me
- So I asked them: What made you call me? Why didn't you ask your pastor to help?
- Couple: We love Chris- but he's only been married about a year and a half
- Couple: We decided we needed to talk to someone who's got a little more experience with the subject
- By the end of this morning's message you may be thinking the same thing
- Today we're talking about how to practice forgiveness
- And I'll be honest with you- I don't have a lot of experience with the subject
- What I mean is that some of you may:
- Carry deep scars of past trauma or pain
- Struggle with the paralyzing consequences of growing up in a dysfunctional family
- Have someone in your life who deliberately tried to hurt or harm you
- Have had a friend or loved one who was murdered or killed by a drunken driver
- The list could go on-and-on-and-on
- If you fall into any of these categories you may be thinking: Steve- you've never had to deal with any of the things I'VE dealt with
- And you'd be right.
- I don't have any experience with these kinds of things
- By in large my life has been pain-free
- Which is why I'm limiting myself to some God-given, Biblically-based, time-tested principles
- They work!
- And they can change your life
- So with all this in mind let's get started. If you want to practice forgiveness the first thing you need to do is to:
CONSIDER THE SIN FACTOR
- Whenever I preach about forgiveness I always assume that someone in the congregation will be thinking:
- But you don't know how badly I've been hurt
- You have no IDEA what so-and-so did to me
- You're right!
- I don't know
- What I do know is that people can do horrible- unspeakable- inexcusable things to other people
- But that's not the point
- When someone has hurt you it's more important to understand:
- WHY it happened
- Than to dwell on WHAT happened
- See here's the thing:
- As long as you're focusing on the WHAT and not the WHY
- God will never be able to heal the anger and pain that's destroying your life
- So why did these terrible things happen?
- In a word- SIN
- Somewhere someone chose to sin by rejecting God and the precepts of His Word
- Some of you may remember hearing me talk about my friend Shannon
- Shannon had a host of emotional and psychiatric illnesses that eventually lead her to commit suicide
- Most of Shannon's problems traced to the fact that -beginning at six- she was sexually abused by the youth minister in her church
- Had Shannon done anything wrong?
- No- she was a six year old little girl who wanted to go to church
- Her problem was that her abuser had chosen to sin against the principles and precepts of God's Word!
- The Bible describes this process in Romans 1:20-32
- Now why is it important to understand that sin is the cause of the pain you've experienced?
- Because it makes you realize that the person who hurt you is really no different than you are
- You're a sinner who needs God grace in YOUR life
- And they're a sinner who needs God's grace in THEIR life
- Once you understand that truth your whole attitude will begin to change
- Their sin hurt me- my sin hurt God
- If God can forgive me of my sin against Him- maybe I can forgive them of their sin against ME
- Illustration: Miracle On The River Kwai
- During WW II a squadron of Scottish soldiers were captured by the Japanese and forced to work on a railroad being built through the jungle
- The conditions were horrific- and the men were soon reduced to an animal-like existence
- But then one day something happened that changed everything
- A shovel was missing- and the Japanese officer was enraged
- He demanded that the missing shovel be produced- or else
- When nobody in the squadron moved, the officer pulled out his gun and threatened to kill them all on the spot
- Finally one man stepped forward
- The officer put away his gun, picked up a shovel and proceeded to beat the man to death
- When it was over, the survivors picked up the bloody corpse and carried it with them to a second tool check
- This time, no shovel was missing. There had been a miscount at the first check point
- The word spread like wildfire through the whole camp
- An innocent man had been willing to die to save the others!
- The incident had a profound effect
- The men began to treat each other like brothers
- When the victorious Allies finally liberated the camp- the survivors lined up in front of their captors
- Instead of attacking them they insisted: No more hatred. No more killing. Now what we need is forgiveness (Ernest Gordon- Miracle on the River Kwai)
- Jesus had to die on the Cross so that your sin could be forgiven
- And He asks you- in turn- to practice forgiveness
- Which is why the first thing you need to do in practicing forgiveness is to...
- Consider the sin factor
- Then you must-
MAKE THE WORSHIP CONNECTION
- Read Romans 12:1-2
- Notice what it says here offer your bodies as living sacrifices
- Biblically a sacrifice is something a person offers to God as an expression of their love, devotion, worship and praise
- BUT- God doesn't accept second rate sacrifices. An acceptable sacrifice has to...
- Be something of value
- Something that costs you something
- So what's this got to do with forgiveness? It's like this...
- The harder it is for you to offer forgiveness to another person
- The more God values your gift as a sacrifice of worship and praise
- Read Luke 7:36-47
- Here was a person who wanted to offer God a living sacrifice
- She KNEW she'd been loved, accepted and forgiven by God
- And she was willing to do ANYTHING to show Him her thanksgiving and praise
- Look- if you're harboring a bitter, unforgiving spirit...
- God is looking for your sacrifice of praise
- He expects you to practice forgiveness as an act of worship and praise
- So- if you want to practice forgiveness you need to...
- Consider the sin factor
- Make the worship connection
- Which brings us to step 3:
SEEK A WILLING HEART
- Please read Matthew 6:9-13
- I want you to notice what Jesus says in verse 12: Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
- Jesus is teaching us to pray for a heart that is WILLING to forgive others for the sins and wrongs they've committed against us
- Now to be perfectly honest:
- Unless you're willing to pray this prayer- and really mean it
- You will NEVER have the ability to practice the kind of forgiveness God requires!
- Illustration: The Bus Driver
- A few years ago a student at the Moody Bible Institute had gotten a night job driving a bus on the Southside of Chicago
- One night a group of teenage gang members got on board- and refused to pay the fare
- When the driver spotted a police officer- he stopped the bus and reported what had happened
- The officer made them pay the fare- but after he left the gang members robbed the driver and beat him severely
- The assailants were later arrested, tried and convicted for their crime
- When the judge was preparing to pass sentence the student-driver did a remarkable thing
- First he uttered a prayer: Father- these kids did a terrible thing to me- and I hate them for it. But Lord, I also know these kids are lost- and I want to love them in Your Name. Please give me that strength I need to forgive them
- Then he stood up and said: Your Honor- I am deeply concerned about these young men. They hurt me- but I want to show them Christian love. I'd like to serve the sentences in their place
- The judge expressed admiration for the student's convictions- but the request was denied
- As the teens were being lead away one of them turned to the student and asked: Why'd you do it man? Are you crazy or something?
- No- I'm not crazy- I did it because I've forgiven you
- The rest of the story is just as incredible
- The student visited those young men week-by-week in their jail cell
- He began a Bible study group- and wound up leading five of them to Christ
- Folks- to date no forgiveness gene has been located on human DNA
- That's why you have to PRAY that God will place a willingness to forgive in your heart
- Because without that gift you will NEVER be able to experience the joy of practicing Christian forgiveness
- Which brings us to the fourth step in the forgiveness process
COMMIT TO THE JESUS WAY
- Please read Matthew 18:15-17
- What we've got here is Jesus' action plan for practicing forgiveness. It consists of four steps:
- First- go and lovingly confront them with what they've done: What you did hurt me. But I want us to be reconciled to one another. That's why I'm here today
- If that doesn't work- take a Christian friend to talk with the person
- If that isn't successful- take the conflict to the church
- And if that doesn't work (And remember- you can't do anything about the other person's reaction)- you must:
- Treat the person the way you would treat a lost person
- Which means...
- You PRAY for them!
- You ask God to change their heart through the transforming power of the Lord Jesus Christ!
- And if you think this sounds hard-
- It's only because it is
- It's so hard that in 28 years of ministry I've NEVER seen anyone follow each of these steps to its logical conclusion
- Instead people try to cut corners- skip steps- or give up all together
- And then they wonder why-
- They're so unhappy
- They remain imprisoned by bitterness and anger and resentment
- It's because they haven't been willing to fully commit to the Jesus way!
- So- let's review the steps we've talked about so far. In practicing forgiveness you need to understand that...
- Consider the sin factor
- Make the worship connection
- Seek a willing heart
- Commit to the Jesus way
- And finally you need to...
LIVE WITH THE MEMORY
- Have you ever heard someone say that a Christian is supposed to forgive and forget
- I once heard a preacher say: If I can't forget then I haven't been genuinely touched with Calvary love
- I don't know where people got that idea- but it's not in the Bible!
- Granted- when God forgives your sin He remembers them no more
- But that's God- He has the power to do this
- But you don't
- God created you with the gift of memory
- And memory means there are some things you can NEVER forget
- Illustration: Sisters Injured In London Bombing
- Katie & Emily Benton are lucky to be alive. They are sisters from Tenn. who were injured in the London subway bombings
- Among other injuries, the Benton girls had their left eardrums blown out by the blast
- Do you think they'll EVER be able to forget what happened to them?
- Every time they have trouble hearing what someone is saying- they'll remember what the terrorists did to them on July 7, 2005
- You know...
- It'd be EASY to practice forgiveness if you could snap your fingers and erase it from your memory
- But this is real life- it's not a movie fairy tale
- God expects you to forgive IN SPITE of the memory
- And that's hard- maybe harder than anything you've ever done
- But don't worry-
- When God asks you to do something- particularly something that's hard
- He'll always give you the grace and strength you need to do it
- And that's a double blessing
- When you learn to depend on God's grace
- Your relationship with Him will grow stronger
- Please read Galatians 5:19-25
- Did you notice the difference between self-control and Spirit control?
- Sinful, self-control results in a hornet's nest of brokenness and pain
- But Spirit control always results in a life worth living
- It's the difference between being:
- Consumed with hate or filled with love
- Destroyed by pain or healed by hope
- Having an unforgiving spirit or a heart OVERFLOWING with the spirit of forgiveness
CONCLUSION
- As we wrap this up let me share something Jesus said in Matthew 6:12-15
- I want you to understand the point Jesus is making here:
- If you fail.../ refuse...
- To forgive others of their sins against you
- To actively work to restore broken relationships in your life
- It will affect your relationship with God
- Read the way The Message Bible translates 1 John 4:20-21
- Let's say I'm angry with...Richard Kroenke
- I will want to repair that relationship with Richard because I like him- he's my friend and brother in Christ
- But above all- I MUST repair that relationship with Richard because I don't want anything damaging my relationship with God
- I want you to bow your head and close your eyes
- Has your relationship with God been damaged because you've been unable- or unwilling- to forgive someone who has hurt you?
- Are you tired of living with the bitterness and rage?
- Are you ready for your burden to be lightened- and your spirit lifted- by the touch of the Heavenly Father?
- The place to begin is by letting God know you're ready to practice forgiveness. Let us pray
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